huuh~

Pretender? Not anymore.
"Look at me, you may think you see who I really am, but you'll never know me. Every day, is as if I play apart. Now I see, if I wear a mask I can fool the world.."

I was a good pretender.

I thought pretending that everything's alright will make me feel better. I forced smiles and gave fake laughs to all my friends. I convinced myself that things are okay when I absolutely know that they're NOT okay at all. I pretended to be tough, to be happy, to be cheerful, in front of my friends because I don't want they all know that I am weak. I was wearing mask for years. No one knows the real me. The real Nadhira Prisari. Including you.

I used to be the one who's listening to those who needs someone to talk to, I used to be the shoulder for those who needs a place to lean on, I used to be the ears that keep listening for every words that they said, I used to be the one who's trying to always be there when those people needs friend, I used to be the hand that wipe those tears away, I used to be anything that my friends want me to be.

Again, I never thought that I'm gonna need someone like what I used to be. Someone who wants to be my hands, who wants to listen to every words I said, who wants to be my shoulder, who wants to be the ears, who always be there when I need them, who who wants to be anything that I want to. Because I - AM - TOUGH.

Have you ever think how many friends that I have? Hundreds maybe? Yeah, I do have them when I'm wearing my mask. They all besides me when I am happy. They all besides me when they need me. But where are them when I need them? Where are them when I feel weak? So, another secret is, I was a loner. Sigh. Loner and pretender. What else? Oh, I was a dork. I thought there's nothing can change the way I am because I was thinking that I have nobody who cares about me.

"....Must I pretend that i'm someone else for all time? Must there be a secret me I'm forced to hide?"


Sounds........ Tragic. Isn't it?


But then, God shows me that God does exist. God doesn't let me to face this fucking world alone. God gives me something that I really need. True friends.

I just realized that some of my true friends keep trying to put my mask off. They asked me whats wrong with me when everything seems so wrong, they said "Keep talk. I'm listening." when I want to share my stories even tho' I know it doesn't important, they call me, ping me, nudge me, or text me, and ask me what happen with me when something's wrong, they also makes me laugh when I feel stressed out with everything that they can do like inviting me to the conference talk or just take me away from my home or maybe come to my home. They won't let me pretends that everything's alright anymore.

They also taught me to face the truth even when the truth fucking hurts and taught me to be soft. Do not let the world makes it hard. Do not let the bitterness steal my sweetness. They taught me to be the real me. So, they finally did it. I put my mask off now, I am the real me. The selfish, dreamer, moody, and sarcastic one, but they still be friends of mine even though hey're know the real me.

I have no idea what to say to them because I know that thanks doesn't enough for everything that they have done to me. I just want to tell you guys, that I am really grateful for having you in my life. Thanks for making me throw my mask away. Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Like I'm gonna repeat my 'thanks' until it sounds strange enough. Geez, you guys really the best thing ever happened to me. You know who you are, aren't you? So I don't have to put your name here :p


After read this, I bet you guys envy me for having such incredible friends like them.
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